You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
