you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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