I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
