About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
