hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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