Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
