Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
