Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
