whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
