It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my liver is dry heaving
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
