She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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