Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he puts the penis in happiness.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
