like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
