She announced her abortion via fbk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
