I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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