So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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