Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
