I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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