Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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