Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
