you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
