U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You smell like stripper and shame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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