We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
