i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
