Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
