We won't sleep together?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
