come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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