If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
