my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
