Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
