I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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