he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
