My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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