i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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