yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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