I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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