I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
