A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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