so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
