I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
