Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
