there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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