Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
