so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
