you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
