I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
try to milk me bitch
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