I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
