I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Someone shit on the floor
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
