I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
