What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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