I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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