He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
