Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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