swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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