i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
